Oh greats sirs and mams of furball gathering, below is the condensed version of the cat philosophy handbook

1. Life is hard then you nap.

2. When in doubt, cop an attitude.

3. Never sleep alone, when you can sleep on someone's face.

4. Variety is the spice of life.

5. On day one ignore humans, on day two annoy them

6. Make your mark in this world, or at least spray in every corner.

7. Curiosity has never killed anything, except a few hours.

8. As you go out into the world, remember... being placed on a pedestal is not a priveledge, it is a right.

9. The SOLE purpose of humans on earth is to provide, food, shelter, grooming, warmth, affection, snacks, rubs, scratches, and monetary support of our wills, whims, needs, fancies, lusts, and desires.

10. Any human found not complying to item #9 shall be scratched, sprayed, bugged, harrased, rubbed, annoyed, awoken, and otherwise bothered until compliance is attained.